Today is special. Special because it marks an end to the quest of something unachievable in my life. It also marks a new start to that something unacheivable too. So, let me tell you how I’ve celebrated this special day.
I woke up at 7:00 AM in the morning, just after a 3 hour sleep. I quickly changed into my tracks and went for a jog – just like everyday. But, today was special. How could I just jog ? So I ran. I ran so fast that I forgot to breathe for sometime. I ran so fast that, my heart was tearing apart, lungs were running out of life and my body sweating with all the alcohol I drank until 3 hours before this. Yet, I ran. I ran until I felt dizzy. Until I was just about to collapse. Then I stopped. It was only because I reached the lakeside nearby. With tears rolling down, I walked closer to the lake. I looked over the horizon, only to look back into all those beautiful memories that I made. Memories so beautiful, that I had to let out a slight chuckle even when my body was all sweating and my heart pounding incessantly. A truck’s horn brought me back into the real world. My real world. A world which is now completely void of any happiness. A world which is open to only a select few, who still had no clue of where I live within it. Now this transition from those memories to the reality was harsh. My heart rate increased, not because of the running, but because of all the pain the real world brought onto me. My tears now didn’t even take a break. This quest of mine that I told you about in the beginning is about to end today. I had to accept that it has to end today. I tried to cry all of this down. Nah I couldn’t. I just hoped this quest of mine won’t bother me once again. But, deep down within I knew I can never overcome this. Now, what else is left of me ? I drink almost everyday, I cannot smile heartily anymore, I am devoid of all the happiness and I am alone. I know I cannot ever be successful in my quest from now on, yet I can only merely TRY to end it, but I know I cannot.
All the lies I’ve told. All the emotions I’ve withheld and all the pain that I’ve caused will end today. But, I know those beautiful memories will always come and haunt me everyday. I hope I can shelter my heart away from all this. I hope I can hold on to some reverie that will help me cope. I don’t know what to write anymore. I don’t know if I’ll write anymore. Only thing I know is a world full of pain, suffering and loneliness that only I live in. I wish my something unachievable can forgive me for giving up. I wish it will understand my pain someday. I wish..