The Coward..


I’ve given myself a new name today. Mr. Coward. A name which was always written on my forehead. A name which described the most private and the most obscure part of myself. For all the lies I’ve told and for all the promises that I’ve broken, if there is one word that describes me the most. I’d say Mr. Coward is the best of the best.

What do you do when you have something precious in your hands; ‘something’ so very precious that normally takes years of struggle and sacrifice to have ? You treasure it! You try to save it with all the might that you have. You nurture it like its your very own part of your body and soul. I had ‘something’ like that. ‘Something’ that I confided in. ‘Something’ which I gave all my heart to in my submission. Now, a normal person would try his best to hang on to this ‘something’. Forever. He would try in all his capacity to not let anyone or anything hurt that ‘something’ even in his dream. That’s not me. That’s only for a normal person. But, for a man who has lived his life in obscurity, for a man who always kept an infinite spectrum of his emotions to himself, this is not the same. When a heart becomes a locker for too many hidden things which were never brought out, it slowly looses it capacity to withhold anything new in it. You feel weak. You feel petrified even to entertain something to enter that heart. Yet, I gave the ‘something’ a chance. This ‘something’ was something that I had always yearned for. A hand to hold on to. A dream worth living for. And I must say, as much as a stone hearted ass I was, the ‘something’ dug its way into this stone. It spread to every corner of the stone. It literally kicked out all the memories of pain into their own perdition. Ecstasy ruled over me. I was happy. The old memories of pain though they left my heart, I knew, somewhere they were waiting to make their way in. Now, they are strong aren’t they. Not days or months, they were etched onto me for nearly 20 years of my life. They were strong enough to paralyze my heart temporarily to let themselves in. And thus began the memories’ quest for revenge. They took a new form of emotion. Namely the ‘Cowardice’. The new form, a baby, made its little steps into my heart. It stayed there feeding on the tons of happiness my little ‘something’ brought on to me. This cowardice being a parasite that it is, took away my ‘something’ before I could even realize it fully. It sucked the life out of me and my ‘something’. It grew fast. Like a fat, big and dangerous monster. It said , ‘ Hey you! you don’t deserve all this! you’ll loose it all someday’. Nah, this was just a panic attack. At least this was what I had thought it to be. I was wrong. This cowardice, the child of the freckled memories of my past took over my heart. It was ruling me so harshly, that it threatened me each and everyday of my life since it grew of age. It constantly rang ‘ you don’t deserve this, you suck!’. It made me lie. It made me break all my promises. It said run away from all this. It said, you fear the commitment. It said you’ll hurt everyone you love. Oh, it was all very overwhelming. So overwhelming, that I lost myself while all this was happening. I grew weak in my spine. I grew weak in my knees. I grew weak in my will to hang on to my ‘something’. I grew weak to be me. I left it out. I succumbed to my cowardice. I told myself that I am not fit for anything. I told myself that I cannot commit anything to anyone. So I ran. I ran away so far that no one can find me. I ran so hard that my pain in my legs overshadowed the pain in my heart. My cowardice made me run away from my promises. My cowardice changed my life into a living hell. Let me tell you something, even while I’m typing this, my cowardice is still dictating what all should I write, for there is so much that I’ve hidden from the people that I love that, revealing all of it now will hurt them more (Says my cowardice, not me! aye aye master).

Now I’m a no one. A man without anything to hold on to. A man with no purpose. A man depressed, repressed and sullen! A man who cannot promise anymore. A man who can never involve himself in any commitment. A man who is afraid even to make a new friend. A man who has his own world of emotions that will never see light. A man who has succumbed to vices. A man called, ‘The Coward’.

If the poorest man in the world is someone who doesn’t have anyone to whom he can bare his soul to, then I am that poorest man of the world. And bottoms up..!

Set me free..


Why have I become like this ?

Sullen, depressed and devoid of any bliss!

All I do is drink and cry,

Always wondering if these eyes ever dry.

Oh, what did I even do ?

To get repeatedly mauled black and blue.

Ah, my mind is numb, I can’t even write,

My heavy heart is aching under this twisting writhe.

Fighting alone in this lonely battle,

I am bruised very bad, my ears just prattle.

Oh, don’t do this to me ?

O’ life listen to me, set me free.

Please, I am done with fighting with you,

What can I do to start afresh and new ?

With each day becoming very very dark,

I just don’t know what to do, there is no way I can disembark.

Come and get me,

O’life please just set me free.

 

My paradise..!


My place was once a paradise,

A place of blooming flowers and the brightest sunrise.

I heard the birds sing, I saw the children smile,

Purity everywhere, nothing evil nor anything wile.

A tight bond was always present,

May it be a bonding by blood, or a bond of friendliness just from another god-sent.

Happiness was all around,

People being content with their lot, never any greed and no one crossing the bound.

Women were widely respected,they were treated divine,

There was never any chauvinism, never did She have to whine.

Rulers were altruistic, they were always humane,

Peace and prosperity flourished,there never was any autocratic feign.

This was my land, my home, my paradise,

But, now its all changed,its an epidemy of evil that prevails, vile laughs and internal cries.

All the glory is now lost,

 Gluttony everywhere, hearts no more benevolent,they are cold and they are frost.

The flowers no longer bore a smile,

Sorcery prevailed, people and friends started to beguile.

All the purity now gone astray,

Happiness deserted the streets, it is cannibalism everywhere with people ready to slay.

The Women are no more paid any respect,

They are brutally raped,killed,their uteruses thrown away, the ethics now wrecked.

A ruler- no more is a leader,

All he cares is money and position,never did he attend to any bleeder.

All the bonds are now broken,

No one to give a helping hand nor to soothe a pain unspoken.

Its now a new world all of a sudden,

A new world- always very dark, always painfully sullen.

My land is no more a paradise,

Neither will the flowers bloom nor will there be any bright sunrise.

This poem is dedicated to the society that I live in, in fact a society which we all live in.The poem is a result of a outrage that occurred within me on knowing about a brutal rape on a 23 year old in my country (India). The girl pleaded, “Mom, I want to live!” during her brave battle with death for nearly 15 days and later took her final breath due to severe damage within the internal organs.I see articles on brutal rapes and assaults on women nearly every morning in the newspapers.My country also witnessed the biggest scams ever that were made by the politicians which accounted for huge sums of money that would wipe out the poverty of the whole world.  Yet,justice was never brought out afore people. Neither in the case of those scamsters nor to the young girl. The rapists are safe and secure in highly facilitated prisons, so are the politicians resting in their air conditioned rooms boasting about ruling 1.2 billion people. This is the society I live in.This is about my country,my home land-India.

P.S : If at all you are a foreigner, please don’t ever come to India. Its a mess in here. The heritage and fame that this country holds is restricted to the books only.

And, I ain’t protesting against any system or any thing. I find no point in doing so. Its only about all those flurry of thoughts that I felt within me!

I was there..

I was there..

I was once there,
Where many wouldn’t even dare.
A place which people see in their darkest nightmare,
A surrounding whose sight which people wouldn’t even bear.

There wasn’t any light,
Darkness overwhelmed every shadow with all its might.
Every step made, yielded a newer plight,
It makes your every tissue tremble with fright.

I was there that day,
I took a step forward with an unraveled fray,
Not knowing whether i was on the right path or astray,
Every inch in me longed the blessing of Frey.

There were no one to walk by,
There wasn’t even a clear sky,
There wasn’t any hustle and bustle nor any spry,
Wish there was someone to hear my longing cry.

I was stranded,I was alone,
Accompanied by dried leaves and dead stone,
A disaster always followed after every seed sown,
Never knew that ‘he solitude’ would ill-reign the throne.

I was once there,
I still wish it was a mere nightmare.


I was there..

I was once there,
Where many wouldn’t even dare,
A place which people see in their darkest nightmare,
A surrounding, whose sight which people wouldn’t even bear.

There wasn’t any light,
Darkness overwhelmed every shadow with all its might.
Every step made, yielded a newer plight,
It makes your every tissue tremble with fright.

I was there that day,
I took a step forward with an unraveled fray,
Not knowing whether i was on the right path or astray,
Every inch in me longed the blessing of Frey.

There were no one to walk by,
There wasn’t even a clear sky,
There wasn’t any hustle and bustle nor any spry,
Wish there was someone to hear my longing cry.

I was stranded,I was alone,
Accompanied by dried leaves and dead stone,
A disaster always followed after every seed sown,
Never knew that ‘he solitude’ would ill-reign the throne.

I was once there,
I still wish it was a mere nightmare.

The Twist and The Turn

The Twist and The Turn

A maze of thoughts inside you head,
Those twists and turns,gosh they make you feel dead.
You walk along a path,
Never can you fathom why this had to be your wrath.


The Twist and The Turn

A maze of thoughts inside you head,

Those twists and turns,gosh they make you feel dead.

You walk along a path,

Never can you fathom why this had to be your wrath.

During the journey ever if you strike a dead end,don’t you worry,just grab the rope with all the might,

And move on,if you find the the other intermittent path,that shall be your soul’s biggest delight.

If you find anything fluster in your path along,

Don’t you worry,just hold another’s hand and that shall make you a manifold strong.

What is this life and what is it meant to be,

Can be understood only when you live and impel yourself to see!!