The special day..


Today is special. Special because it marks an end to the quest of something unachievable in my life. It also marks a new start to that something unacheivable too. So, let me tell you how I’ve celebrated this special day.

I woke up at 7:00 AM in the morning, just after a 3 hour sleep. I quickly changed into my tracks and went for a jog – just like everyday. But, today was special. How could I just jog ? So I ran. I ran so fast that I forgot to breathe for sometime. I ran so fast that, my heart was tearing apart, lungs were running out of life and my body sweating with all the alcohol I drank until 3 hours before this. Yet, I ran. I ran until I felt dizzy. Until I was just about to collapse. Then I stopped. It was only because I reached the lakeside nearby. With tears rolling down, I walked closer to the lake. I looked over the horizon, only to look back into all those beautiful memories that I made. Memories so beautiful, that I had to let out a slight chuckle even when my body was all sweating and my heart pounding incessantly. A truck’s horn brought me back into the real world. My real world. A world which is now completely void of any happiness. A world which is open to only a select few, who still had no clue of where I live within it. Now this transition from those memories to the reality was harsh. My heart rate increased, not because of the running, but because of all the pain the real world brought onto me. My tears now didn’t even take a break. This quest of mine that I told you about in the beginning is about to end today. I had to accept that it has to end today. I tried to cry all of this down. Nah I couldn’t. I just hoped this quest of mine won’t bother me once again. But, deep down within I knew I can never overcome this. Now, what else is left of me ? I drink almost everyday, I cannot smile heartily anymore, I am devoid of all the happiness and I am alone. I know I cannot ever be successful in my quest from now on, yet I can only merely TRY to end it, but I know I cannot.

All the lies I’ve told. All the emotions I’ve withheld and all the pain that I’ve caused will end today. But, I know those beautiful memories will always come and haunt me everyday. I hope I can shelter my heart away from all this. I hope I can hold on to some reverie that will help me cope. I don’t know what to write anymore. I don’t know if I’ll write anymore. Only thing I know is a world full of pain, suffering and loneliness that only I live in. I wish my something unachievable can forgive me for giving up. I wish it will understand my pain someday. I wish..

Set me free..


Why have I become like this ?

Sullen, depressed and devoid of any bliss!

All I do is drink and cry,

Always wondering if these eyes ever dry.

Oh, what did I even do ?

To get repeatedly mauled black and blue.

Ah, my mind is numb, I can’t even write,

My heavy heart is aching under this twisting writhe.

Fighting alone in this lonely battle,

I am bruised very bad, my ears just prattle.

Oh, don’t do this to me ?

O’ life listen to me, set me free.

Please, I am done with fighting with you,

What can I do to start afresh and new ?

With each day becoming very very dark,

I just don’t know what to do, there is no way I can disembark.

Come and get me,

O’life please just set me free.

 

The Poltroon!


 

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I wake up everyday for a new beginning,

Yet I end up sleeping afore the same dead end.

I wish I could regain my lost happiness,

Yet all I can do is to only pretend.

 

With all the unattended sorrows in my heart,

With my soul plowed wide open by a gut wrenching pain,

Each and every moment seems a fey challenge,

Yet, all I can do is to only weep within, I can’t even complain!

 

I writhe in this agony, I want to scream,

So I let out my hand to someone.

Nah! I now realize I am alone in this sordid battle,

All I can do is to just build my rage and run!

 

I search for an excuse to let out my tears,

I juts remembered my eyes have dried out, Oh its been years!

Overwhelmed, I realized I have even forgotten to breathe,

I loose myself completely, both my body and its beneath.

 

Oh please lift me out of this mess,

I need to live my life again.

I want to smile and feel happy for once,

Nah! Once again all my pleas go in vain.

 

And again, I wake up everyday for a new beginning,

Yet I end up sleeping afore the same dead end.

I wish I could regain my lost happiness,

Yet all I can do is to only pretend.

 

Note: Image Source: Google Images.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fearful Fate..


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It has been a rough past few years,

In a pursuit, to overcome all my fears.

Those fears which shook me awake from my sleep,

And the very fears which made me secretly weep.

Yet, they still seem to overwhelm me,

Maybe they ‘LOVE’ me so much to let me free.

Ah, the word – ‘LOVE’ , now I know the reason,

This was always about that very treason.

A treason, that left them heart broken,

A treason that left them clueless and unspoken.

But, did anyone ask how did I feel committing it ?

Oh please do, for it was for your own good that I fell in that infernal pit.

Each day, I put on a very tight veil,

A veil that portrays happiness and masks my wail.

This veil again is a reminder of my fears,

Oh no, if it breaks loose it’ll expose all my tears.

I wish I could live with at least a wee bit of glee,

For a few moments to be fearless and free.

I wish there comes a day in my life,

Where I can sing an end to this internal strife.

Oh, I shall wait,

However long it might be, for I know that’s my unavoidable fate.

 

 

A lost addiction..


Its been ages that I have sat down to write ,

The dearest hobby that I had which made my every scary night very bright.

Each and every day I try to set the things right ,

But never found any solace ,not even slight.

What should I do to get my courage back,

Did I still have it in me to write and get back on track ?

Each and every second now started making a violent whack ,

Oh god, please spare me some light for the night is awfully black.

“Just stay calm!” ordered my aching heart,

That’s right I thought, thinking too much would only tear me apart,

All I needed was to get a proper start,

For, my rage never dies neither does my art.

My heart has now agreed to sign a pact,

That only if I write , it shall hold me intact,

Now my fears slowly started loosing their impact,

Oh god  just let me write, I have already lost in love and you have nothing left  in me to detract.