The Swollen Vocal Chords


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48 hours. It has been 48 effing hours that I spoke two full sentences. The problem – swollen vocal cords. I cannot utter a single word without going hoarse in the end. And what caused the problem ? Throat infection and of course my very bad drinking habits.

Absolute voice rest was suggested by my doctor and also a strict caution that I might loose my voice if I didn’t do so. But these 48 hours have been the most treacherous and yet at the same time the most well spent time that I had in a long time. 48 hours of self introspection, learning and of course with a few daily dosages of writhing pain deep in the heart ( not another medical condition though ).

There were a few realizations that I had in this period :

  1. No one ever cares for you like your parents do. However close a friend might be or your spouse/girlfriend might be.
  2. Don’t expect anything from anybody. As an adult, you are on your own.
  3. Don’t drink too much.
  4. Being mum for a long time is effing effing hard.

People, especially people who are the prospective passing clouds in your life shall only use you when they want to and they’d never bat an eye to do anything but pursue their own interests irrespective of what you need from them. Now, to the big question – How do you identify who are the passing clouds ? The answer is simple, you can’t and that’s where you once again read point 2: “Don’t expect anything from anybody. As an adult, you are on your own ” Having expectations is an utter waste of your mental time and trust me its not worth it. Its only your parents who care for you from the bottom of your heart and no one else comes even nearly close to that love.

Now, for a person who is heartbroken for some reasons needs to drink. He needs to drink to get rid of his memories, to get rid of fears. But sometimes, the after effects include swollen vocal cords followed by hours of utter silence. Trust me, that is very bad. If you still can’t do without a drink, get situated near an ENT specialist. Saves a lot of time.

I shall continue my silent struggle of keeping strict silence even tomorrow or at least do another blog post once i get some more wisdom from yet another dose of self introspection. Oh god, I don’t want to sound like a Godzilla anymore. PEACE!

 

 

The Cruel World..


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In a world which cared for its own,

He cared for others, the selfish and the lone.

In a world which mauled the weak,

He brought strength and helped them speak.

But, was there any one to care for Him ?

Anyone to share his sorrows or his whim ?

Never! He was always alone,

Bearing all the pain on a bruising throne.

He always bore a smile on his lips,

He let the world make its move, always behind the eclipse.

With an ailing heart and trembling soul,

He was shattered within after falling in this ever burning bloody hole.

Can He ever be happy again ?

Will someone ease him off his pain ?

Nah! again as the world wanted Him to do, He abrogated everything and : 

In a world which cared for its own,

He cared for others, the selfish and the lone.

 

My Dad, My Hero!


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He held my hand, he made me walk,

He taught me words and made me talk.

He was an angel, a hero in disguise

He showed me life, he made me wise.

 

He made he happy, he made me smile,

He never rated anything more and for that he walked that extra mile.

He never asked anything back from me,

He was unconditional, his love was always free.

 

He was hurting inside, he didn’t want me to leave,

He just bore a fake smile, he didn’t want me to grieve.

He couldn’t walk away, he couldn’t let me go,

He controlled himself, he never let anything show

 

He couldn’t stay like this, he couldn’t sleep at night,

He was waiting for my return, he kept praying to God to allow him my sight.

He wanted to talk to me, he hesitated to call,

He didn’t want to disturb, he continued to wrawl.

 

He never knew that I was coming back,

He was still waiting for me, unaware of my track.

He then saw me at his door, he suddenly froze,

He had tears in his eyes, all his lost spirits now arose.

 

He came running, he hugged me tight,

His wailing heart was now happy, he never again wanted to let me go not even slight .

He never knew my love for him, he never asked me for it,

He still always loved me and that’s how it seemed him fit.

He is my dad!

PS: If you are reading this please take a moment of your life to reflect upon everything that your parents have sacrificed for your happiness. No love is more purer that the love shown by your parents towards you and to acknowledge that is the least that we can do.

A Confession..


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A tired body, a tired soul,

Is now writing this with no destined goal.

He never laughed, he never smiled,

He always pretended to, but inside he cried.

The pain he bore never seemed to fade,

He wanted to tell her that he never betrayed.

They once loved each other and were never apart,

Each of those memories still fresh and pounding his heart.

He made her laugh , he made her cry,

She bared her soul to him, for him she was ready to die.

Not even the farthest of the distances separated them,

For, their breath was one, oh their relationship was a gem.

But, one day he then came to realize,

His ship would very soon break and begin to capsize.

He wanted to protect her,

He let her go, oh ,his brain began to blur.

Coward- they all called him,

But he was only a sucker for love, not his  happiness nor his whim.

His heart now bore a gaping hole,

Pain oozing out , the loneliness took its toll.

He still abides by what he had done,

He still wants her to go away, he wanted her happy and having fun.

For her he will forever stay,

All he wanted to do was to yell that he never did betray. 

Selling the self..!


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Lying on my bed every night ,

I think of everything I’ve done- wrong and right.

Each distinct memory revving by,

Some making me giggle and some making me cry.

“What makes you happy ?” asked my heart,

The answer was merely an overwhelming void that tore me apart.

“Is there anything that I love” , asked my soul,

Its another big void- sucking everything up like a giant black hole.

I then thought,”Can I spread happiness or at least make someone smile?”

Yeah, many people raised their hands, a petty little solace at the end of an aisle.

But then, “What makes ME happy ?” is what I really want to know,

A puzzle still unanswered- a never ending woe.

Who am I ? and what do I want ?

Each answer starts asking something new, the night begins to haunt.

Something immediately seemed to ease my pain,

It brought some hope, it soothed the sprain.

The thought- “May be this is what a man is destined to do,

To spread happiness and joy, to let the light spread through, 

To just show the way and then step aside,

To let the people walk, run and let them ride the tide.

And then rejoice their success,

You will find the pain vanish, you’ll find it regress.

Its not always the ‘‘ in your LIFE,

Spreading the Love, being a Friend and bearing some Empathy shall also lets you thrive”.

This was what love meant after all: sacrifice and selflessness. It did not mean hearts and flowers and a happy ending, but the knowledge that another’s well-being is more important than one’s own- Anonymous

My paradise..!


My place was once a paradise,

A place of blooming flowers and the brightest sunrise.

I heard the birds sing, I saw the children smile,

Purity everywhere, nothing evil nor anything wile.

A tight bond was always present,

May it be a bonding by blood, or a bond of friendliness just from another god-sent.

Happiness was all around,

People being content with their lot, never any greed and no one crossing the bound.

Women were widely respected,they were treated divine,

There was never any chauvinism, never did She have to whine.

Rulers were altruistic, they were always humane,

Peace and prosperity flourished,there never was any autocratic feign.

This was my land, my home, my paradise,

But, now its all changed,its an epidemy of evil that prevails, vile laughs and internal cries.

All the glory is now lost,

 Gluttony everywhere, hearts no more benevolent,they are cold and they are frost.

The flowers no longer bore a smile,

Sorcery prevailed, people and friends started to beguile.

All the purity now gone astray,

Happiness deserted the streets, it is cannibalism everywhere with people ready to slay.

The Women are no more paid any respect,

They are brutally raped,killed,their uteruses thrown away, the ethics now wrecked.

A ruler- no more is a leader,

All he cares is money and position,never did he attend to any bleeder.

All the bonds are now broken,

No one to give a helping hand nor to soothe a pain unspoken.

Its now a new world all of a sudden,

A new world- always very dark, always painfully sullen.

My land is no more a paradise,

Neither will the flowers bloom nor will there be any bright sunrise.

This poem is dedicated to the society that I live in, in fact a society which we all live in.The poem is a result of a outrage that occurred within me on knowing about a brutal rape on a 23 year old in my country (India). The girl pleaded, “Mom, I want to live!” during her brave battle with death for nearly 15 days and later took her final breath due to severe damage within the internal organs.I see articles on brutal rapes and assaults on women nearly every morning in the newspapers.My country also witnessed the biggest scams ever that were made by the politicians which accounted for huge sums of money that would wipe out the poverty of the whole world.  Yet,justice was never brought out afore people. Neither in the case of those scamsters nor to the young girl. The rapists are safe and secure in highly facilitated prisons, so are the politicians resting in their air conditioned rooms boasting about ruling 1.2 billion people. This is the society I live in.This is about my country,my home land-India.

P.S : If at all you are a foreigner, please don’t ever come to India. Its a mess in here. The heritage and fame that this country holds is restricted to the books only.

And, I ain’t protesting against any system or any thing. I find no point in doing so. Its only about all those flurry of thoughts that I felt within me!