A disease called overthinking..


Does having a kind heart make you weak ? It certainly seems so. I’ve always been a person who overthinks a lot even for doing the minutest of the minute chores that we all do in our routine. But, let me tell you this overthinking is definitely not about how I will be impacted with anything that I do but its about how I might effect the others around me after I do it. This overthinking has forced me to make few sacrifices that I am not proud of. This overthinking often makes me do things that I don’t want to do a majority of times. Let me tell you that this is sometimes fucking hard. To restrict yourself from something that I want with all your heart for someone else’s happiness is no ordinary thing. Yet I do it, and this is just because I am built that way. Now, with all this going around, its at least humane that others share a tiny bit of your principles and understand why you do what you do. Even if people don’t appreciate what I am doing, its very basic for it to not make any statements that hurt me. But, nah! the world is pretty dumb in understanding what I do. It keeps hurling these sharp edged knives at me that constantly keep on hurting until I have bled that pain’s worth out. All these years, I’ve always thought that, the world may do this to me but maybe it does not mean any offence at all. As I’ve already mentioned in the start that I overthink a lot, may be this overthinking is a disease that the world is free of. Maybe its me that should learn from the world and not the other way around. I don’t know. I try to learn but I can by no means live that carefree and joyful life that others are living. I know I’m depressed, I know I am a loner yet I am a good person. Why should the world be that the way it is ? Why should it constantly keep pricking me with its deeds ? Should I change? Or will the world change ? Am I wrong or am I right ? Am I drunk ? Yes! But, booze is what that helps me think ? Err, overthink! I sometimes imagine how I’d be if I was like the rest if them ? How differently my life would have shaped up had I not made those sacrifices? Maybe I would have been happier ? But, maybe this happiness would have been at the expense of others’ pain. I don’t know. And bottoms up…

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Do you still call me a house?


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Do you still call me a house ? 

I sure resemble like one.

I have the foundation and I have the shape.

I surely stand up strong and straight.

Yet, something is still missing.

Is it the roof ?

Oh yes, its destroyed.

Is it the walls ?

Indeed, they are hollow.

How about the windows ?

Phew! are you kidding me!

Each day I am scorched by the sun,

Some days I am drenched by the rain.

And on some, the wind seems to be harsh.

But, every day I am overwhelmed by my best buddy.

My pain.

My pain, to stand there just alone.

My pain, of living a purposeless life.

My pain, to not be able to shelter anyone.

My pain, to never give anyone a wee bit of happiness.

Yet, I have to stand.

I really don’t know why.

Maybe, I was destined to.

Maybe, I am forced to.

But, do I want to ?

I don’t know. 

Nevertheless, I am still a house.

I shall stand.

In a hope that someone would build those walls.

In a hope that my roof will be fixed.

But, deep inside, I know that I can never be a house.

 

I ain’t raising my glass!


Tonight I drink.

I drink until I forget,

I drink until I live.

Until the very last drop,

No I would not even consider to stop.

 

One glass at a time,

Maybe a bottle at once ?

Let my stomach drown in the bitterness,

Let my brain stop being mine,

Let the booze flow in my veins,

Tonight I forget.

 

I forget all the past,

I forget what the future holds,

Right now I drink.

I drink for myself,

Selfishly all to myself,

Oh, I deserve every bit of this.

 

The doc said not to,

My parents said not to,

Yet I want to.

This is what I want,

And for once I will take what I want.

 

Yes, I drink tonight,

Without any hint of the slightest fright,

Fuck my conscience! let it take its flight,

Tonight there wont be any light.

I’ll savor every bit of it,

Tonight I strengthen my grit.

 

I ain’t saying cheers,

I ain’t sharing with my peers,

This is all mine,

Let there be no boundary line.

Tonight I finish it all,

Let my soul take its deepest fall.

TONIGHT I DRINK!

 

 

 

The Voodoo Doll of Loneliness



It follows me everywhere,

Through the day and night.

Its devlish smirks all over the air,

Triggering an anxiety and a ghastly fright.

 

It never ceases to overwhelm,

It never ceases to stand down.

Even the smallest moments of elation,

Are ripped apart and yes I begin to drown.

 

Forgive me oh dear lord,

I know I have sinned.

Years of plodding in the desert of penance,

I’m already half torn, already skinned.

 

Yet, you still seek my retribution,

But why don’t you for once call a truce?

Didn’t you ever hear about absolution?

Oh for once let me unloose.

 

You threw me away miles away from my home,

Yet, your revenge plot never comes to an end.

So how much more should I aimlessly roam?

I am fed up, the pain made my heart distend.

 

I have now understood that It shall never leave me,

And thus I gave it a name.

‘The voodoo doll of loneliness’, shall never let me free,

For I am the only pawn in thee game.

The Poltroon!


 

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I wake up everyday for a new beginning,

Yet I end up sleeping afore the same dead end.

I wish I could regain my lost happiness,

Yet all I can do is to only pretend.

 

With all the unattended sorrows in my heart,

With my soul plowed wide open by a gut wrenching pain,

Each and every moment seems a fey challenge,

Yet, all I can do is to only weep within, I can’t even complain!

 

I writhe in this agony, I want to scream,

So I let out my hand to someone.

Nah! I now realize I am alone in this sordid battle,

All I can do is to just build my rage and run!

 

I search for an excuse to let out my tears,

I juts remembered my eyes have dried out, Oh its been years!

Overwhelmed, I realized I have even forgotten to breathe,

I loose myself completely, both my body and its beneath.

 

Oh please lift me out of this mess,

I need to live my life again.

I want to smile and feel happy for once,

Nah! Once again all my pleas go in vain.

 

And again, I wake up everyday for a new beginning,

Yet I end up sleeping afore the same dead end.

I wish I could regain my lost happiness,

Yet all I can do is to only pretend.

 

Note: Image Source: Google Images.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Man in the Sea..


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He was a helpless man drifting in the seas,

Thriving on ‘hope’ , to see the land and its trees.

Without any food nor any sleep,

All he could do was to sit down and weep.

Continue reading “The Man in the Sea..”