The Swollen Vocal Chords


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48 hours. It has been 48 effing hours that I spoke two full sentences. The problem – swollen vocal cords. I cannot utter a single word without going hoarse in the end. And what caused the problem ? Throat infection and of course my very bad drinking habits.

Absolute voice rest was suggested by my doctor and also a strict caution that I might loose my voice if I didn’t do so. But these 48 hours have been the most treacherous and yet at the same time the most well spent time that I had in a long time. 48 hours of self introspection, learning and of course with a few daily dosages of writhing pain deep in the heart ( not another medical condition though ).

There were a few realizations that I had in this period :

  1. No one ever cares for you like your parents do. However close a friend might be or your spouse/girlfriend might be.
  2. Don’t expect anything from anybody. As an adult, you are on your own.
  3. Don’t drink too much.
  4. Being mum for a long time is effing effing hard.

People, especially people who are the prospective passing clouds in your life shall only use you when they want to and they’d never bat an eye to do anything but pursue their own interests irrespective of what you need from them. Now, to the big question – How do you identify who are the passing clouds ? The answer is simple, you can’t and that’s where you once again read point 2: “Don’t expect anything from anybody. As an adult, you are on your own ” Having expectations is an utter waste of your mental time and trust me its not worth it. Its only your parents who care for you from the bottom of your heart and no one else comes even nearly close to that love.

Now, for a person who is heartbroken for some reasons needs to drink. He needs to drink to get rid of his memories, to get rid of fears. But sometimes, the after effects include swollen vocal cords followed by hours of utter silence. Trust me, that is very bad. If you still can’t do without a drink, get situated near an ENT specialist. Saves a lot of time.

I shall continue my silent struggle of keeping strict silence even tomorrow or at least do another blog post once i get some more wisdom from yet another dose of self introspection. Oh god, I don’t want to sound like a Godzilla anymore. PEACE!

 

 

The Fearful Fate..


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It has been a rough past few years,

In a pursuit, to overcome all my fears.

Those fears which shook me awake from my sleep,

And the very fears which made me secretly weep.

Yet, they still seem to overwhelm me,

Maybe they ‘LOVE’ me so much to let me free.

Ah, the word – ‘LOVE’ , now I know the reason,

This was always about that very treason.

A treason, that left them heart broken,

A treason that left them clueless and unspoken.

But, did anyone ask how did I feel committing it ?

Oh please do, for it was for your own good that I fell in that infernal pit.

Each day, I put on a very tight veil,

A veil that portrays happiness and masks my wail.

This veil again is a reminder of my fears,

Oh no, if it breaks loose it’ll expose all my tears.

I wish I could live with at least a wee bit of glee,

For a few moments to be fearless and free.

I wish there comes a day in my life,

Where I can sing an end to this internal strife.

Oh, I shall wait,

However long it might be, for I know that’s my unavoidable fate.

 

 

The Cruel World..


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In a world which cared for its own,

He cared for others, the selfish and the lone.

In a world which mauled the weak,

He brought strength and helped them speak.

But, was there any one to care for Him ?

Anyone to share his sorrows or his whim ?

Never! He was always alone,

Bearing all the pain on a bruising throne.

He always bore a smile on his lips,

He let the world make its move, always behind the eclipse.

With an ailing heart and trembling soul,

He was shattered within after falling in this ever burning bloody hole.

Can He ever be happy again ?

Will someone ease him off his pain ?

Nah! again as the world wanted Him to do, He abrogated everything and : 

In a world which cared for its own,

He cared for others, the selfish and the lone.

 

A Curse!


 

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Unspoken words and untraveled roads,

Fill my life,  with a grief worth loads.

Living through the day and weeping through the night,

I drank too much, Oh, not even that can save me from this plight.

I wish I can get back that happy part of me,

For, I’d hold it so tight and never let it free.

But,TIME, Oh you heartless devil,

I know for a fact that you shall never let me revel.

I know my sin, I know my curse,

I hurt her so bad, I was perverse.

But,TIME, Oh you heartless devil,

You never let me change that, you leave me at my peril.

I only wish I had the power,

To turn you back to that joyful hour.

Is there anything else that I should bribe you with ?

I bore enough, with a gut wrenching pain herewith.

Why can’t you give me one single chance ?

To cry  my heart out and feel a happy trance.

Writing this with a heavy heart and a teary eye,

I can do nothing else than heave a big sigh.

 

The tiny little bird!


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(image courtesy: Google)

There was a bird, so very little,

In its nest away from a world so very brittle.

It had its mother, it had its father,

No trouble, no fear, nothing to bother.

It came of age, it learnt to fly,

It grew strong, it sailed through the sky.

It has to now leave its abode,

Said the wicked rules of the worldly code.

Why? why did it have to do this ?

It is its life after all, why is it pushed into this deep abyss ?

Stay strong it constantly recalled,

It tried to blend in , yet it was blocked and walled.

Evil laughters, pernicious minds,

Everything ever pure is now hidden behind the blinds.

Yet, it tried to stay calm,

Oh yes, all it could do was to stay aplomb.

It woke up each day with a void in its heart,

It couldn’t stay away from its loved ones, Oh! they were a world apart.

No one to talk to, no one to share,

It suffered each second, but does anyone care ?

It wanted to go back, it wanted to reminisce its past,

That’s impossible, the worldly code was overwhelmingly vast.

It only prayed for a good friend,

The loneliness was slowly getting to it, happiness is now getting tough for it to pretend.

A pain that stays…forever!


A pain that that kills,

A guilt that grills,

A feeling that pierces through,

An emotion that no one ever knew.

Was it a mistake or was it a sacrifice,

Was it a virtue or was it a vice ,

Without any clue here I am paying the price,

Writhing alone in this painful paradise.

I wish I could change all of this,

I wish I could restore the happiness, restore the bliss,

I wish I could seek light from this never ending abyss,

I wish I could just relive and reminisce.

 

Respect the HER!


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Afraid she was to walk alone,

Afraid she was to talk to an unknown.

Afraid she was to have a drink,

And afraid she was to just freely think.

Why did she become so ?

Was she feeble or was she low ?

No, its the man that’s troubling her,

His lustful eyes marking a vicious slur,

Chauvinistic words, causing a visual blur,

And yet she stayed quiet, she just did concur.

Who gave HIM those extra rights ?

What has he achieved more for him to earn those ugly sights ?

Was the God partial in his creation ?

Or was it just the man’s meaningless and jingoistic elation ?

Fuck you, you filthy man!

She gave you birth and only then you began.

Respecting her is the least that you can do,

Stay by her and support her through.

You are nothing more than what she can be,

So don’t crib your superiority on her, this is her only plea.

PS-1: Respect a woman. That is the least that we as men can do for her for all she gives to                the world and its people.